I wanna bring you to show and tell
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
