Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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