The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
