You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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