He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
