I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
