its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
