Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
