saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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