This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
