love makes seman taste better
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
