To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
