dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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