i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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