In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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