My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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