Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
