Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
