I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They took my balls.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
