Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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