i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
