he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
