you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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