Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
