She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
