i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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