I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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