this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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