did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
