we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
