you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
