We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
