dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
