it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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