with your own penis?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
