She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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