dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
