whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
