the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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