Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
