but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
