i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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