Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
