New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
