you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
