Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
