Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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