my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
