I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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