he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
