piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
