Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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