Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
