i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
