yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
