I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sext me about skeletons
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
