Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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