Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Come share oat with me in your robe
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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