I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
