Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize