I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
