If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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