She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
