You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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