he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
