Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize