it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
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just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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