It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
