Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
