Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
