she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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