I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
