I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
