My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
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We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures