well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
