you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
