if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
