im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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