Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
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Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
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Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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