i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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