If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dignity is for republicans.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
