I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
